thefrogprince

You know, it might not be right to post what one feels here, because it's just lame...But you know, when you don't have anyone and anything to turn to, it's better doing this that beating the crap out of yourself, tormenting your heart with regrets and solitude...I find it very soothing to release it anywhere, out of any convenience...And I need this perfect time to spill everything out...And i believe I will feel better later...Knowing that finally I've let it loose.

I just can't keep it for myself...I don't know how to start this...We started as friends, me being the advisor, you being the listener. You were asking me what to do to get peace of mind out of your ex-boyfriend who doesn't give you anything but problem, and yes I did gave you a word of advice that set you free, though opening our doors to each other, that was really my full wicked intention was. Early morning caramel macchiato drinks everyday, chocolates sometimes and mango shakes on a hot afternoon were our greatest beginning moments. We were so great before, so much love is pouring from our cups, you thought me how to make love, and I remember ending so cocky in each step. It was so much of a romance. Kisses were as frequent as each second, and passionate nights were ours. We live each day without worry, love is just so perfect. Yes we argue for little things like imperfectly made decisions and untidy belongings, but I back down and you lay your guard down as well, and we end up kissing each other and swearing that we'll never let go. Yes, we might have been so selfish for each other before, keeping each other away from everybody else because we worry that one might just fall out of love somehow, but it never happened. We made promises, promises that we knew we kept steadfastly. Months have passed, we lived our lives together, sleeping with arms wrapped around each other, goodnight kisses that went a long way, and lullabyes that put both of each other to sleep so soundly that we hated being disturbed and be separated at any given minute. There were times when we argued to the point of me leaving you for good, which I eventually would take back after a couple of minutes, because I can't just stand being away from you, when you were at your weakest state, crying and begging for me to stay...We hurt each other to the point where you got fond of hitting my face until it's dead red, where I lose temper and might have pushed you aside, and eventually wrecking every appliance we have...We slept until we lose interest to go to work, and I do recall myself influencing you more not to go to work, as I can't stand the look of you being so tired at work. And there we had our first monthsary, we had our photos take in that crappy Van Gogh digital painting machine, plus we got this love horoscope on a piece of special paper where it implores that we are perfect for each other, me being a taurus, being humble though hard headed to you as a pisces, high dreamer and perfectionist. Yes, we complemented each other, for each lack, we had a spare to shed to cover it all up. It's so amazing...Call it so bitter but what we had is real. I do remember, you always wipe my sweat because I sweat like a foam soaked in water. But do you remember that I kept you cold when it was frigging hot there in our room? .....I also remember, we combined our compensations and we shopped for a lot of appliances, that brought so much happiness to you, bringing smiles to me as well. All I could remember was our happy times, and it was hard letting it go when it all happened.

You decided to give up your job to attend to your mom's call, where she asked you to go back to her place to monitor her health. I gave up mine as well, because I chose to be with you through it all, not knowing of the bewilderment it promises me, as you have made me believed that it's hard dealing with your mom. I stood up with my word and took the challenge.

And all hell break loose. It was okay for the past 2 months. Your mom was good and very hospitable. But all good impressions of her just vanished that easily. Curses and mockery went all the way down from her unstoppable mouth, but all I did is to suck it all in, keeping my ground as to not give any pressure on you. But I'm just a man, not all the time I could be drinking and sipping her words just like food and water. I could do nothing but to weep when you're not around. I hate for you to know how it felt like being cursed by someone where even your own parents would not do it to you.  I tried to calm her, I tried to work it out with her, working like a horse even after our tiring 11 hour shift. And you know how exhausting it was. But I appreciate you giving me a hand, protecting me from her when she wants to give me a big fat fist straight in the face. You even hurt your mom, that have never anticipated that you can do for me. I do remember, and it was so sweet of you to brandish to your mom that I was the best that you had for your entire life. But I know you handling your mom's wrath is really tiring. She does everyday, every God damn day...I don't know. Maybe she doesn't want me in the first place, as she implores that I'm leagues off from you, and I hate for you to say that to me sometimes, though I know it was just a mere joke. I know and I am proud to tell everyone else that I got the best girl in town. Oh yeah, it was so braggart of me...And I love bragging you to my envious fucking colleagues who wants to pick on me everytime. I always like the look on their face when their eyes pop out of their sockets when you wear sexy short skirts. You were so lovely...From head to foot, from scalp to toe fingers...I never imagined having someone else other than you, and I have already made my mind that you will be the one whom I will be swearing those eternal oaths with. But then suddenly, I decided to leave your house because I couldn't stand your mom's insults anymore. And you blamed me for that. But we tried to work it out though, you visiting me more often in my own place, where I frigging dealt with financial problems but you never left me for a second. You were there when I ripped my sister's and cousin's pocket to survive each gruesome day there, since I was laid off of work. We were so much at peace, though I know your mom still keeps cursing you for every damn day just because you still couldn't bear to lose me. I thought you could handle such pressure, I thought you could fight for me one more time, but everything just happened, you decided to give me up, to sacrifice your love for me and follow her track of leaving all her suitors just because of you and your brother. It was such a painful moment, I couldn't breathe, I puke nothing but I felt so much weak, that I can't stand up anymore and live another second. It was so unexpectable. We broke up. I decided to leave just because I want you to have some freedom from your fucking mom, from her shitty cakehole. But you wouldn't feel how much I wept when I left...You wouldn't feel any of what I am feeling even up until now. You seem to carry on just fine, without me...I don't know if it was love that you felt for me or just because I complete someone's absence for quite a while...I really don't have any idea...Yes, we might still have constant communication but I don't understand why you keep on telling me that I'm not fit for you, that I'm darn ugly and my teeth sucks big time. Why do you always need to make me feel this way, to feel hate about myself, to feel so dumb that I could not do anything right? I know you must know alot about almost everything, but that wouldn't give you any power to mock someone who loved you more than his own life, more than his own family, more than God...And to top it all, you somehow assimmilated your mom's fucking attitude of telling me I'm no good for you, than I'm just a stinky dog...There are lots of things that I wouldn't understand. You take it negatively when I ask you. I don't know...

You were hospitalized for some serious reason, and I immediately went back there to check how you are doing, and of course to see you once again. I'm glad you welcomed me...Thanks for that...But still I've learned that your mom didn't stop bugging you because of me. And I finally made my own decision, I went to your mom to beg for her forgiveness, kissing her lame, old ass just for her to leave you alone...And I bore everything that night, yeah, she made me bleed, and all I did is to stop her from killing me. I never hurt her back...Just to know that you were about to hit me again in the hospital. You did it like frenzy...I accepted my fault just because I love you, and I don't want to fuel the anger...You cursed my mom a million times, which I hate the most but I just sucked it...I don't know why I do this insanity...But I know I love you so much baby...

And now, yes, you still tell me you love me, and you make me feel somehow, comfortable despite of this distance. However, I just don't know why it feels so empty inside, regardless of how much I've tried to divert my attention to others. It's just so hard...And what adds up to the burden is your gray attention. It seems so cold, I can almost feel that you just don't care about what I feel anymore. You seem to trudge each day without any worries. You seem to just do whatever you want to do without letting me know first, especially if it's gonna hurt my feelings. Damn, I know it's my fault to have asked you to stay with me through the distance, now I'm all locked up to you, maybe for all eternity...I wish it could sound a little better, but it's a burden I couldn't carry anymore. Love is just not about words, it's about making both parties feel how much you love them...Bullshit, I couldn't ask for more I know, we have nothing now, we're not even lovers. But I don't know what do you mean when you said, "Please stay around, I Love you". I wish I better know what you truly feel, but you would never tell me...